Hanya dendam dan kebencian!...

Tiada apa yang tinggal bagi diriku,
Tiada apa yang boleh aku banggakan,
Tiada apa yang bisa mengembirakanku,
Tiada apa mengubatinya..

Aku dilemparkan dengan tuduhan yang tak berasas,
Niatku dipandang serong oleh mereka,
Ku diberi penghinaan dan cacian berkali-kali,
Tidak cukup dengan itu,
Kematianku jua amat dinanti-nantikan..

Tapi tidak mengapa,
Aku tetap tegar dengan semua ini,
Aku takkan mengalah,
Aku akan tetap melangkah gagah..

Sampai masanya nanti,
Hari aku akan menjelang tiba,
Menunggu saat-saat kebangkitanku,
Dan menanti saat-saat kejatuhan mereka..

Aku mahu mereka tahu bahawa,
"Sham sudah mati!..",
Dan kini Jay bangkit,
Untuk membayar segala kehancuran hidupku
yang mereka telah lakukan,

Hanya tinggal dendam dan kebencian,
Menjaga pembakar semangatku...


Junichiro Hasegawa
Pulau Pinang.

I am therefore I think...

I am."   What does it mean?

We use these two words constantly in our lives: How are you?. I am fine. I am upset. I am going here or there. I am doing this or that. The "I am" is usually just used as an introduction to what is really important -- the emotion we are feeling, the thing we're doing, or the place we're going.   We tend to skim over the I am and put our emphasis on the verb or adjective that follows.   However, there is an experience that can be had; a space beyond our egocentric viewpoints and judgments -- a space of just I am. No adjective, no verb, simply I am, an awareness without form. There are levels leading up to this space that can be experienced as "I am getting more detached from my anger," "I am peaceful," "I am free," "I am That " . . . but then, just simply, "I am." It is this I am that Descartes concluded after his lifetime of brilliant study, research and search for the truth, when he wrote, "I think, therefore, I am." I think, I exist, I am awareness, and therefore, I am .

We sometimes find ourselves shying away from moving into this awareness of I am. Our limited ways of thinking may bind us, but they are a comfortable, familiar bondage that lets us always think we know who and what we are, simply by asserting a verb or adjective after the I am.   Nevertheless, just because something is comfortable, doesn't mean it is true or even good for us. If it were, we could all lie around on the couch every day watching mindless sitcoms while eating potato chips and drinking milkshakes (ahem, well, maybe some do!). Clearly, comfort does not always equal health--whether mental, physical or spiritual. Growth is painful, almost all the time. This is one of those truths that fluffy spirituality may neglect to mention when we join the club of spiritual growth. There is often a moment or time of pain and discomfort as our worldview stretches and our concepts are shattered. After this, come the fruits: the joy of expansion, the ability to be more than we thought we were, the loosening of the ropes of outdated rules and regulations that begin to fall away, leaving a higher understanding to guide our actions, instead of old patterns of guilt or fear.   

Staying within the comfortable boundaries of our egocentric circle of thought is comfortable in an ignorance-is-bliss kind of way. But eventually, at one time or another, in one life or another, reality sets in we are able to see the many ways in which we were wrong, limited and close-minded about life. This shift can come through the shock of difficult situations, or after the attainment of a long wished for dream which, having been attained, is quickly revealed to be empty of the joy and fulfillment we expected. If nothing else, this shift often comes at the moment of death, when we realize that practically nothing we put our life energy and focus into throughout this time of life -- the worldly success we achieved, the reputation we built, and the material possessions we accumulated -- are not worth even a grain of salt, in the face of a larger reality that extends beyond the threshold of death. Talk about the bursting of a bubble.   Just imagine how many millions of people throughout the centuries have gone through their lives putting all of their energy into attaining wealth, conquering lands, gaining power, and satisfying their petty desires, only to experience this same devastating shock at the moment of their death. If only we could get it now and live the rest of our lives from that awareness.

Junichiro Hasegawa
USM Penang.